Chris Magazine

It took so little
To bring me to my knees
Biting my cheek
Clenching my jaw
Until it ached
A look
A one sided look at that
It was all on my part
I saw it
And it dropped me
I knew it was coming
I’d even invited it
It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal
This wasn’t even as bad as the stuff I hear about
But it was
It was worse
They didn’t do anything special
There wasn’t any grandstanding show of affection
No warm embrace
No holding hands and looking longingly
But there they stood
Together
And there I stood
Alone
And I stared
Slowly my stomach knotted
The weight grew in my chest
And I watched
His arms around her
Rarely moving
Just holding
Just
Just enough
I don’t know what else happened
I don’t remember seeing anything else
I don’t remember when I stopped looking
I recall wanting to stop
But I couldn’t
All those fantasies I had created
My grand castle
Dashed to rubble
By this scene
So I stand
Alone
I can feel the wind
Seeping through my coat
And I feel the cold
For now it’s a good feeling
Hoping it numbs
All else