Saturday, April 30, 2005
It Is the Internet After All...
Post
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Honesty
Duck and cover they say
What else can you do?
Avoid the flying shrapnel
Apologize in between salvos
Perhaps foresight
Might have led one to remove
The dangerous items
From the room
Before the confession
Especially that one picture frame
It never seemed so heavy
As when it hit your head
And who could have imagined
Your antique Budweiser sign
Would come so easily off the wall
And that the drywall behind you
Wouldn’t provide much of a cushion
To it’s abbreviated attempt at flight
And previously, in your mind
Those tools were for the
Exclusive use of those stoking a fire
And not as some modern version
Of a broadsword.
Turns out though
That thanks to her efforts
Your futon frame now qualifies
As firewood
Perhaps that explains the confusion
On the bright side
She seems to be tiring
Honesty is a dangerous thing
I did try to soften it
Even told her that I wouldn’t have
Had I known it was her sister
Didn’t help
Go figure
What else can you do?
Avoid the flying shrapnel
Apologize in between salvos
Perhaps foresight
Might have led one to remove
The dangerous items
From the room
Before the confession
Especially that one picture frame
It never seemed so heavy
As when it hit your head
And who could have imagined
Your antique Budweiser sign
Would come so easily off the wall
And that the drywall behind you
Wouldn’t provide much of a cushion
To it’s abbreviated attempt at flight
And previously, in your mind
Those tools were for the
Exclusive use of those stoking a fire
And not as some modern version
Of a broadsword.
Turns out though
That thanks to her efforts
Your futon frame now qualifies
As firewood
Perhaps that explains the confusion
On the bright side
She seems to be tiring
Honesty is a dangerous thing
I did try to soften it
Even told her that I wouldn’t have
Had I known it was her sister
Didn’t help
Go figure
Thursday, April 21, 2005
You Go Pope-- Get on With Your Big Bad Hat!
The best thing about the new pope isn't that he looks exactly like what someone would believe a scary ass, fire and brimstone catholic priest should look like, it's not that he was in the Hitler Youth and then later conscripted into the Nazi Army (which he did go AWOL from---only two years after he had been forced to join---in 1945, just before the end of the war).
Nor is it that he's a harsh conservative, interested only in protecting the conventions of the second Vatican council and ensuring that gays and woman have nothing to do with the Church. Or that he believes that priests shouldn't marry, as one would expect from a traditionalist-- except that tradition wasn't started until about 1000 years after the church got started.
It's not even that fact that because of the church's stance on birth control, hundreds of thousands of Africans continue to get infected with AIDS, simply because God doesn't want them to wear a condom-- apparently he hates them. No, that best thing about this pope is that he'll likely be dead soon...which means the death pool starts now.
I have June of 2007.
Anyone else?
Nor is it that he's a harsh conservative, interested only in protecting the conventions of the second Vatican council and ensuring that gays and woman have nothing to do with the Church. Or that he believes that priests shouldn't marry, as one would expect from a traditionalist-- except that tradition wasn't started until about 1000 years after the church got started.
It's not even that fact that because of the church's stance on birth control, hundreds of thousands of Africans continue to get infected with AIDS, simply because God doesn't want them to wear a condom-- apparently he hates them. No, that best thing about this pope is that he'll likely be dead soon...which means the death pool starts now.
I have June of 2007.
Anyone else?
Saturday, April 16, 2005
So..
It's been a while and, judging by the emails, you missed me. As nice as that feels, I can't help but think you all could find something better to do.
So I'm hanging out the other day, just col' chillin'... you know how it is and this guy drives by my house. This isn't unusual. There is a street in front of my house and people drive down it all the time, but this guy was on one of the mini-motorcycles that seem to be rising in popularity.
It's like a real motorcycle, except it seems built for a five year old. This guy was probably in late 20s. He was wearing no helmet, a black leather jacket, jeans, and black boots. He also had these expensive looking sunglasses. As he drove by and I saw him, I started laughing uncontrollably.
I've seen a lot of teenagers on those bikes and that's fine. They look dorky, but it's not like they could really get a motorcycle. This guy was riding like he was in the Hell's Angels...If the Hell's Angels were comprised of a bunch of cherubs. Is there any better way to step out of the real of cool then to dress up like you think you are cool and ride a children's toy in public. It's like putting on a tux and then eating at Chuck E. Cheese.
In retrospect, laughing at a man with the balls enough to ride on a motorcycle that size might be a mistake. Even sadder would be the experience of him getting off his little toy bike and kicking my ass.
So I'm hanging out the other day, just col' chillin'... you know how it is and this guy drives by my house. This isn't unusual. There is a street in front of my house and people drive down it all the time, but this guy was on one of the mini-motorcycles that seem to be rising in popularity.
It's like a real motorcycle, except it seems built for a five year old. This guy was probably in late 20s. He was wearing no helmet, a black leather jacket, jeans, and black boots. He also had these expensive looking sunglasses. As he drove by and I saw him, I started laughing uncontrollably.
I've seen a lot of teenagers on those bikes and that's fine. They look dorky, but it's not like they could really get a motorcycle. This guy was riding like he was in the Hell's Angels...If the Hell's Angels were comprised of a bunch of cherubs. Is there any better way to step out of the real of cool then to dress up like you think you are cool and ride a children's toy in public. It's like putting on a tux and then eating at Chuck E. Cheese.
In retrospect, laughing at a man with the balls enough to ride on a motorcycle that size might be a mistake. Even sadder would be the experience of him getting off his little toy bike and kicking my ass.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Question
Question:
If you could take one thing with you to a deserted island, what would it be?
My answer:
A boat.
If you could take one thing with you to a deserted island, what would it be?
My answer:
A boat.
Another Eulogy For Chris
Chris-
You were so close, but it seems like now that neither of us will ever know just how magicians catch bullets in their teeth.
I'll really miss the times we never had. The other stuff. You know what I mean. Well, I need to go grab some lunch. KFC is having a special. Chicken Sandwhich, two sides and a large drink for $3.75. Good deal. Guess you'll miss that too.
Annie O.
You were so close, but it seems like now that neither of us will ever know just how magicians catch bullets in their teeth.
I'll really miss the times we never had. The other stuff. You know what I mean. Well, I need to go grab some lunch. KFC is having a special. Chicken Sandwhich, two sides and a large drink for $3.75. Good deal. Guess you'll miss that too.
Annie O.
POPE DEAD
Apparently the Pope has died. Who could have seen it coming? An 84 year old, who's been shot, suffers from Parkinson's and numerous respiatory issues... dies. Right like that. Just out of the blue. Again, I ask, Who could have seen it coming?
