Sunday, May 09, 2004
Chris Magazine Bows to Pressure
Crumbling under increasing pressure from unions, the press and presumptive Democratic Presidential Nominee John Kerry, Chris Magazine has returned it's operations to the states. The magazine has rehired the former staff, albeit at reduced salaries and cut benefits. Some were not happy.
"I didn't want to come back, but I didn't have a choice. Chris still has those pictures." Claimed one unnamed employee, "Working here is like living in hell, only it's hotter and it smells worse and they make me do things...awful, awful things."
Not everyone was unhappy with the return. John Kerry said this is just an example of what he could do if elected president. "The return of Chris Magazine from their outsourcing mistake is just an example of the power I wield. If elected I'll bring thousands of jobs back from abroad at reduced salaries and limited benefits."
In an effort to give equal time to the candidates Chris Magazine also contacted the White House who offered this written response. "John Kerry will let the terrorists sneak into your house at night and take your children. No one is safe if you elect him. As to the return of Chris Magazine from Southeast Asia, we're just proud to have the American institution back where it belongs where they can hire illegal immigrants under the table if they really want to save some money, just like everyone else."
Chris, meanwhile, had little to add as he was just coming out of another 72 hour binge, "The lights, why are they so bright!?"
"I didn't want to come back, but I didn't have a choice. Chris still has those pictures." Claimed one unnamed employee, "Working here is like living in hell, only it's hotter and it smells worse and they make me do things...awful, awful things."
Not everyone was unhappy with the return. John Kerry said this is just an example of what he could do if elected president. "The return of Chris Magazine from their outsourcing mistake is just an example of the power I wield. If elected I'll bring thousands of jobs back from abroad at reduced salaries and limited benefits."
In an effort to give equal time to the candidates Chris Magazine also contacted the White House who offered this written response. "John Kerry will let the terrorists sneak into your house at night and take your children. No one is safe if you elect him. As to the return of Chris Magazine from Southeast Asia, we're just proud to have the American institution back where it belongs where they can hire illegal immigrants under the table if they really want to save some money, just like everyone else."
Chris, meanwhile, had little to add as he was just coming out of another 72 hour binge, "The lights, why are they so bright!?"
