Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Chris Snubbed Again By People Magazine
Once again the nation was stunned by the decision of People Magazine to forgo inclusion of Chris in their annual 50 Most Beautiful People issue.
"I don't understand it," said a bewildered Chris, "I felt like I was so in this year, especially after Adam Sandler was scarred in that accident."
Chris wasn't alone in his shock.
Stated a somber Kofi Annan, "I was reading it and I kept re-reading to make sure I hadn't missed a page. How can you have a list of the 50 most beautiful people and not have Chris? It's like Stalin without Siberia or the United Nations without any real power to back up any of its resolutions."
This isn't the first time this has happened. In fact this is now the 33rd year in a row that Chris has been excluded from the issue. PeopleMagazine.com researcher Caryn S. Midler (the only staffer made available for this story) claims there's a good reason for Chris's continued exclusion, "This issue is about the 50 most beautiful people, to put Chris in there would draw attention from the rest of the people featured. I'm sure if we ever do the 50 Too Hot to Appear in Our 50 Most Beautiful People Issue Issue Chris will be at the top of the list."
Yet, despite the protestations of People Magazine staffers, some are not satisfied.
"Of course, of course, who could be surprised at such things," answered a not-so-surprised Osama Bin Laden, "this is what I'm talking about with the devil and nation of evil and stuff like that. It's also why I started reading US. It's just a better magazine."
Will Chris ever get his chance to shine? Perhaps not, but Chris says revenge might not be too far off. "I used to work in oil (*editor's note: Chris worked at a Shell station when he was 14 for two weeks) I figure I can use my connections to get in touch with Dick (Cheney) and see if we can't get People Magazine declared an Enemy Combatant."
"I don't understand it," said a bewildered Chris, "I felt like I was so in this year, especially after Adam Sandler was scarred in that accident."
Chris wasn't alone in his shock.
Stated a somber Kofi Annan, "I was reading it and I kept re-reading to make sure I hadn't missed a page. How can you have a list of the 50 most beautiful people and not have Chris? It's like Stalin without Siberia or the United Nations without any real power to back up any of its resolutions."
This isn't the first time this has happened. In fact this is now the 33rd year in a row that Chris has been excluded from the issue. PeopleMagazine.com researcher Caryn S. Midler (the only staffer made available for this story) claims there's a good reason for Chris's continued exclusion, "This issue is about the 50 most beautiful people, to put Chris in there would draw attention from the rest of the people featured. I'm sure if we ever do the 50 Too Hot to Appear in Our 50 Most Beautiful People Issue Issue Chris will be at the top of the list."
Yet, despite the protestations of People Magazine staffers, some are not satisfied.
"Of course, of course, who could be surprised at such things," answered a not-so-surprised Osama Bin Laden, "this is what I'm talking about with the devil and nation of evil and stuff like that. It's also why I started reading US. It's just a better magazine."
Will Chris ever get his chance to shine? Perhaps not, but Chris says revenge might not be too far off. "I used to work in oil (*editor's note: Chris worked at a Shell station when he was 14 for two weeks) I figure I can use my connections to get in touch with Dick (Cheney) and see if we can't get People Magazine declared an Enemy Combatant."
