Chris Magazine

Time

2007-08-12T21:08:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time since the words last tumbled from my brain to paper and much has happened in the meanwhile. I have been away from writing for a long time now, years in fact. For reasons, I'll not disclose, my energy has been sapped, that once boundless imagination had been firmly locked away and the urge to pick up a pen had never been so distant.
Time though is quickly running away from me. I see the world now passing as if I was on the TGV. A future which had once been so expansive is now not so much. The time has come for me to do that which I was supposed. It's time to unlock that door and see what's left inside.
It can not wait any longer.
It is now.

untitled

2007-04-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

it was taken from me
though I never had it
feels as if it was torn from my very fabric
i can feel myself bleeding out
with no urge to stop it
the cold comes soon
a now welcome old friend
all that mattered
now lies elsewhere
never again to be
within my reach

11:47

2007-03-30T05:09:00.001-07:00

My heart stopped beating last night

It had only begun truly beating not so long ago

But I had become accustomed to the familiar patter

Now it has gone quiet

I continue to breathe

I still feel the need to eat

But there’s no passion behind it

I can still walk

And see

But even as I write this

There’s a cold washing over me

A darkness descending

The colors, so recently revealed to me

Are returning to gray

Yet within that dire world

There is refuge

From that which stopped my heart

Ok

2007-03-12T18:20:00.000-07:00

So I'm a little pissed. Dick Cheney is spouting bullshit again and I've had it. When does someone step up and slap him down? "Congress is undermining the troops."
Seriously? That's the problem in Iraq....not the fact that we shouldn't have gone in the first place (that's not just on Cheney and Bush, but also the democrats and republicans who fearfully gave the President carte blanche after 9/11 and the press which neglected for three years to ask a significant follow up question of anyone in government)...not the fact that we had no plan for occupation....not that we had too few soldiers to do the job...not that we've created a haven for terrorists, a training ground for new ones and a lost generation in Iraq that, ultimately will grow up with little infrastructure and looking for someone to be angry at...the problem clearly isn't that we're fighting a war against a group of insurgents, in their own country (which you cannot win) or that we're fighting two groups (Sunni/Shiite) that are also busy fighting each other (and who, other than the Kurds, are big fans of the Kurds in the region?)...the problem is clearly Congress.
If only the Democrats would walk goose step with the administration, then those bullets shot by snipers would harmlessly pass over our soldiers heads...if only Congress would embrace the flawed plans of our President the IEDs would implode never wounding, never killing....if only Congress could understand how their doubt was responsible for putting tens of billions of U-S taxpayer dollars in the hands of the terrorists we were there to fight...if only Congress would stop thinking for themselves our soldiers would be getting the treatment they deserve when they return.
Wow...guess I turned myself around there. Our problems in Iraq are all the fault of Congress, just as the Vice-President says. I'm going to go have a talk with my neighbor...he's foolish enough to think the soldiers would be safer if they just came home. I'll tell him that it's talk like that that's getting them killed over there. What a bastard.

If only I could make this stuff up...

2007-03-03T09:15:00.000-08:00

Swiss Accidentally Invade Liechtenstein

ZURICH, Switzerland (March 2) - What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.
According to Swiss daily Blick, the 170 infantry soldiers wandered 1.2 miles across an unmarked border into the tiny principality early Thursday before realizing their mistake and turning back.

A spokesman for the Swiss army confirmed the story but said that there were unlikely to be any serious repercussions for the mistaken invasion.

"We've spoken to the authorities in Liechtenstein and it's not a problem," Daniel Reist told The Associated Press.

Officials in Liechtenstein also played down the incident.

Interior ministry spokesman Markus Amman said nobody in Liechtenstein had even noticed the soldiers, who were carrying assault rifles but no ammunition. "It's not like they stormed over here with attack helicopters or something," he said.

Liechtenstein, which has about 34,000 inhabitants and is slightly smaller than Washington D.C., doesn't have an army.

Don't Worry

2007-02-06T18:56:00.000-08:00

Haven't forgotten any of you...just been a bit preoccupied of late. Read a book. I'll be right back.

sigh...

2007-01-18T20:16:00.000-08:00

tough year for my sports teams....Eagles lose in the playoffs....Phillies just aren't there...sixers suck...Flyers suck more... I'm so depressed I feel like buying a Nickelback album.....aww..I'm kidding...I can't imagine I'd ever be that depressed.

Listening to...

2007-01-10T19:41:00.000-08:00

The new Sloan....Never Hear the End of It
Highly recommend it....30 songs...many just a minute to two minutes long....not all great, but some very close to that...especially Listen to the Radio and the Beatle inspired Fading into Obscurity. Go. Buy it. Don't be a dumbass.

New Way Forward

2007-01-09T19:21:00.000-08:00

It will be interesting to see just what President Bush offers in his new way forward. Whether he'll stick to his stubborn guns (as has been his administration's pattern in the past) or if he'll truly offer some decent options? I suspect it will lean much more towards the first with plenty of rhetoric and catch phrases, but very short on a real tangible plan. There will be some very fun, hardline statements of expectations of the Iraqi government, but no real repercussions should they not fulfill their end of the bargin.
Then again, maybe he'll prove me wrong. Kidding. I'll watch it just the same.

Go EAGLES!

2007-01-07T18:05:00.000-08:00

Good on the Eagles. New Orleans next week.

Listening to...

2007-01-04T19:42:00.000-08:00

Mix of things....ryan adams--friends....Teenage Fanclub....new Lemonheads....

Hopeful

2007-01-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

The sun rises
without fail
it's light cresting
over the horizon
warming the land
changing the skies
from black
to violet
to blue
changing perspectives
those things unseen
soon become apparent
ways around obstacles
come clear
a world that seemed so small
is now opened before you
you are the light
you've shown me the world
I am hopeful
I am ready

yeah boy!

2007-01-03T20:27:00.000-08:00

So Beauty and the Geek is back on tonight....I feel awful for enjoying the show. When I first saw it, knowing it was produced by Ashton Kutcher, I figured it would be a pretty simple recipie of making fun of geeks and stupid pretty girls, but it's so much more than that. I'm not sure how they manage it, but the show's got heart and an earnestness that keeps it grounded and worth a watch. Go check it out.

So....

2007-01-02T19:21:00.000-08:00

I've been listening to Reliant K....it's a power punk band who at times sound like Blink 182, others they remind me of Treble Charger or they even tore one from the book of Bad Religion on their last album....now my problem isn't that they're so poppy (though they are), but rather that they are a Christian Rock band. It's pretty apparent in some of their songs...somewhat overt lyrics and yet I don't care....the music is still infectious and fun. My problem is that I don't know if I should be going to church or something now, or does that breaking point only come after I excitedly purchase a Michael W. Smith/DC Talk duets album?

New Year

2007-01-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

Well it's 2007....how odd....seems like not too long ago this was long in the future...not anymore. It should be a big year, filled with change, transition and fear.

It's hard to say what will happen next...the war continues...democrats control congress, but will that be any better...lives will end....new ones will begin, but what kind of a world, a future do we offer them?

It's up to us to determine what happens next, but do any of us really want that burden? Isn't it just easier to sit back and see what happens? Seems to be what we choose for the most part. Maybe this year will change that as well. Maybe.

When

2006-11-17T21:18:00.000-08:00

Will it all change? Does anyone else fear the Democrats will be little better than the Republicans?

Swing

2006-11-16T18:19:00.000-08:00

Much like a stereotype
in some old pulp novel
or comic book
an elaborately arranged
and carefully executed setup
as I hang on the precipice
the rope securing me
tethered to adjacent wall
and a pendulum swings
rising high into the light
blinded by the glare
engulfed in the warmth
of that reflection
reaching it's apex
turning back
crossing the rope
at first far above
but slowly
over time
getting closer
until each pass
cut's an angel's hair sliver from my lifeline
and this time
it does just that
as it sling back to the other side
to the dark
when I lose sight of it
the anticipation is too much
and while I dread the consequences of it's return
for each cut leaves me closer to a deadly fall
it also means a return to the light
the warmth I seek
and it does return
as it always shall
until my rope is cut
and my end comes

Hmmm

2006-11-06T18:28:00.000-08:00

If a tree falls on a house in the forest and kills the only occupant does it make a sound?

Quixotic

2006-10-17T18:57:00.000-07:00

Being Quixotic in nature is hard. It's not so much the towers and the blades of those damn windmills that really hurt and since you're looking for dragons, you really never see them coming.

Sorry

2006-10-17T18:53:00.000-07:00

It's been so long, but the new fear has got me scared. Good doonesbury today...pointed out that while three thousand died in 9-11, more than 150,000 people have died as the result of firearms in the U-S since then....haven't seen much of a push to crack down on what appears to be the real danger. That's probably because the gunnies have a better lobby than the terrorists.

9-11

2006-09-11T19:51:00.000-07:00

It was odd, but for the first time since 9-11-01, when I was discussing it all today I realized I wasn't concerned about some sort of an attack coming today. It wasn't really even discussed in the media. I guess that means some of the fear has worn off. It's about time. The truth is that the terrorists only win when we are in terror.

Listening To:

2006-07-29T23:29:00.000-07:00

Band called The Format....their new one is Dog Problems....relatively mellow, but good

wrecking ball

2006-07-29T23:28:00.000-07:00

Like a cartoon
You see it coming
That wrecking ball
Its full arc completed
It’s return inevitable now
Heading straight for you
But you stand in its path
It grows larger
It’s shadow quickly moving over the ground
You wait
You know, yet you wait
And then
You are crushed
Again
Yet like a cartoon
You rise
And turn to watch it finish another arc
And return again
You wait
For the crush
Maybe
If you are lucky
One time
It will finish you

Busy Month

2006-07-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

Taking asbestos off my house...taking out the windows...working...television ...ok...someone else is basically doing much of the work on the house, but I'm helping.
For those of you who don't know, I live in Oregon. Great place to live, but there is one oddity. I'm originally from the East Coast....there you go to the beach to swim....here you go to the beach to be at the beach....we drove there today....it was about 60 degrees, cloudy, with a heavy marine layer that made it feel like there was a light drizzle...the beach was packed...some people were in the water (which is only about 60 degrees at best itself) they were wearing sweatshirts. In the water. It's late july. It seems so wrong.

Random Thoughts from a Sunday

2006-07-02T21:16:00.000-07:00

Because Meth is made with Psudeophedrine....do meth addicts often get colds?

Was at a park today and saw two small hispanic children arrive with toy lawnmowers that they proceeded to run over all the grass and I thought to myself....how appropriate....don't worry...I smacked myself on that one....

Watching a broadcast of A Prarie Home Companion on PBS tonight and the Hopeful Gospel Choir came out and sang a version of Bob Marley's One Love and I thought to myself....somewhere Bob is rolling over in his grave...but then I realized that wherever he was, he's probably stoned off his ass so he's likely ok with everything. But if he had been sober, he would have been pissed.

Pissed Off

2006-06-29T17:30:00.000-07:00

God, I can't take it anymore. These whiny little right wing nuts. Should the New York Times be leaking classified information in a time of war?
Nope.
Should the Bush administration be repeatedly breaking the law with their policies to defend this country?
Nope.
Who's going to tell us if not the media?
No one.

Therefore....tell us fucking everything.

I'm sick of these hacks asserting over and over again that because we're at "war" the administration is off limits....it's not. It's debatable whether we're in a real war situation to begin with. The activity in Iraq is a police action, no longer a war and the so-called war on terror is ethereal.

Not only that. The things the New York Times has revealed weren't surprising. You mean the feds are following the finances to try to track terrorists? Shocking. As if they wouldn't have guessed that. Like they don't suppose that their phone calls are already being tapped. These are not morons we're dealing with here. This, of course, is all beside the point.

These programs are all illegal. If they weren't, every time the administration gets caught they wouldn't be negotiating with members of congress to get legislation passed to make what they were doing legal. Wouldn't have to do that if it was already the case.

What really pushed me over the edge today was the decision handed down by the Supreme Court saying that the Guantanamo plan to hold military tribunals was illegal and violated the Geneva Conventions.

Now, the Bush Administration has been saying they don't need to follow the conventions because we're either not at war or we're in a different kind of war, but that's a dangerous and erroneous assertion.

You are either at war or you are not. If someone is captured, determined to be an enemy and held, he's a POW. Enemy Combatant is a nuanced way that the administration asserts allows them to skirt international agreements. It shouldn't. At the very least it puts our own soldiers at risk in future engagements.

That said, the thing that really pissed me off wasn't the court's decision, which I clearly agree with, but rather the minority opinion written by Clarence Thomas. Thomas said in his dissent that the majority ruling meant that terrorists needed to be caught "red handed" before they could be tried under the laws of war. "It would sorely hamper the President's ability to confront and defeat a deadly enemy."

You know what, that's too bad. It's illegal. Republican have for years now applied the term "activist judges" to left leaning members of the bench who interpreted the law differently than they liked. They claim that the job of a judge is the take the law as it's written and not impress his own personal perspectives on any decision. Maybe the law as it exists would hinder the President, but that's not the point.

That's not the job of the judiciary to worry about how the President's getting by in the daily execution of his job. Their job is to look at the law and make sure it's not being misused or misinterpreted as it's clearly been in this case and in the case of the NSA phone debacle.

Listening

2006-06-28T19:06:00.000-07:00

To the New Dashboard Confessional....it's ok....the lead singer's voice which does so well when accompanied by just an acoustic guitar or the crowd sounds a bit weak up against a full rock band sound...but if you're a fan, you'll sing along as usual.

Twilight Singers-Powder Burns-- Greg Dulli kicks some serious ass with the album. Might be the best album he's ever put together including all that Afghan Whigs stuff...check it out.

Currently Listening To:

2006-06-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

The New Amsterdams
The Futureheads
The Nines
The latter two are ripping off XTC to some extent, but sound good anyway. The first is the lead singer from The Get Up Kids...used to be his side project, but since they doesn't exist any longer I don't know if it should be called that.

Name

2006-06-13T18:22:00.000-07:00

I need a name for my third party. I don't want to be affiliated with any existing group. We need to be something that people can come to witha clean slate.

Question

2006-06-13T18:21:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you know you aren't wanted?

Democrats

2006-06-12T19:09:00.000-07:00

Yet another reason to jump on my bandwagon for a third party....
Saw where a couple of democrats in the House this weekend were talking about how they plan to run for majority leader come November. Then there was a nice article in USA Today talking about how Democrats are slipping in the polls.
Little hint for the Dems...buy some chickens....then wait until they are in your possession to count them to ensure that you have them all...then tell your friends.
Morons.

Gays

2006-06-05T20:23:00.000-07:00

As it turns out...I did some research and gays are truly a threat to marriage....gay marriage. In fact, nearly 97 percent of marriages broken up by a third party was the result of interference by someone of the same sex. Of course that was a study of gay marriages, but I'm certain it works that way for regular marriages too. This shocking revelation has forced me to adjust my views so they're in line with the nice, right thinking folks over at the Family Research Council. Damn those gays. Destroying everything they touch. You should see how they destroyed my property values....they moved into the neighborhood....now I couldn't afford my own house if I wanted to buy it again. And the landscaping they've done....I've had to cut my grass twice already this year. It sickens me.

Recommendations

2006-06-04T17:35:00.000-07:00

Watched two movies this weekened that, despite their age, remain very relevant. The first was Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. It's a great condemnation of Washington and what goes on there and the idealistic views that Smith stands by are just as, or even more, relevant today. Washington is such a bastion of cynicism where nothing seems to get done unless it puts lots of money in someone's pocket and rarely for the good of all.

The second was The Devil and Ms. Jones. This is not to be confused with the porn film. Though I'm sure the themes in that movie speaks to people today much as it did when it was made in the 70s. The movie I'm speaking of was made in the 40s and was a comedy about a labor uprising at a large department store. The owner goes under cover to try to weed out the agitators and ends up finding out just how his store is run. Ultimately the works just want some security for their years of devotion and then store is essentially firing the older workers because it's cheaper to hire in new ones at a lower rate. Luckily in the last 60 years we've taken care of that problem and companies these days are all about great customer service and tremendous loyalty to their employees.

Go. Watch. Learn....get angry....the third party is coming*.

*Isn't that exciting? Sounds like a revolution.

hate

2006-05-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

I hate that it betrays me at every turn
that it lifts me up
only to violently return me to the earth
and that I believe
every thought it forces upon me
that wills me to rise again
despite the fact that it knows
what lies in wait for me
once I stand.

Thought

2006-05-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

I think it's time for the rise of a third party to replace to democrats....it's happened periodically through our history as one party is drawn too far over to the other leaving a huge gap in the opposition. I think that's the position we're in now. I have no clue what the democrats stand for, but certainly when they speak it's only a matter of nuance that differentiates them from the Republican rhetoric. Where does that third party come from? It's unclear at this point. The only thing that is clear is that it's time.

Been Busy

2006-05-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

Hockey Playoffs....you know how it can be.

Ahhh

2006-05-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

"So," he said. "Good always wins over evil."
I raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that a bit naive?"
"Nope." He answered confidently. "It's always been that way."
"Evil has to win sometimes, right?"
"Nope, see it works like this....Whomever wins gets to write the history books. No one who wins ever sees themselves as evil. In fact, they typically see themselves as righteous. So, when they write their history, good will have prevailed and hence good always wins over evil."
"That's a semantical nuance. They can still be evil even if they write that they are good."
He smiled, "think so?"
"Yeah."
Then he pulled out a gun and put it on the table in front of us.
"So," he said putting his hand over the gun with a smile, "which of us is right now?"

Overheard

2006-05-12T19:10:00.000-07:00

It's not that I'm conceited, I just think everyone should be looking at me. Why would they want to look at someone else. Weird.

On The Other Hand

2006-04-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

The Wonder Stuff have a new album out....it's pretty good...falls somewhere between Never Loved Elvis and Construction For the Modern Idiot. I'd recommend checking it out. It's called Suspended by Stars.

Hmmm

2006-04-25T19:26:00.000-07:00

Still thinking on the book...the tepid response gives one pause for thought.

So....

2006-04-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

Do I write a book this year?

Hmmm

2006-04-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

So, part of the emergency bird flu pandemic plan is to create drive through medical clinics....interesting, but I thought managed care already had that down....show up....brief conversation with a nurse or nurse practitioner and then a drive by visit by a doctor who carefully avoids any indepth conversation and who then quickly hands you back over to the nurse before shuffling you out the door (but not before collecting their co-pay). Looking forward to the improved bird flu experience.

Boy

2006-04-10T19:09:00.000-07:00

These immigrant folks are really pissed off about this whole sending them back thing. It's almost like they don't understand the damage they do to this country with all their working and stuff. And what about all the low wage jobs they are stealing from good hardworking Americans. I think we should let them stay, but legislate that they can only work higher end jobs leaving those desirable low end jobs for the real americans who want them.
Also, I think we should build a really giant wall at the border because if Maginot taught us anything, it's when determined people come up against a wall, they give up. So build that sucker, big and tall with large murals of big American flags and images of freedom on the Mexican side so they know just what they are missing. I'm sure that will inspire them to stay home an emulate us. By emulating us I mean they could build a wall on their southern border to keep out the Guatamalans and Belizians.

Catching Up

2006-04-03T16:19:00.000-07:00

What? You were hoping for an April Fools Post? Too easy.

Learned this weekend: There is nothing quite like the look of abject terror on your child's face to inspire joy in a parent.

A not so well known, two term vice president once said, "An unchecked majority is a despotism" ....just something to ponder.

I built some shelves with a friend this weekend. They now hold my cds...the fact that I helped build them and they are holding anything seems rather remarkable to me. The fact that they are square and turned out like we planned I believe qualifies as a minor miracle....if nothing else it's a likely sign of an impending apocalypse.

Once Again Into The Breach

2006-03-26T13:58:00.000-08:00

Look, people....I'm a little unclear as to what's been happening around here. As far as I can tell, we just don't care. Well, most of us anyway. The Bush administration has pretty much admitted, they were all wrong about the war...that they lied about many, many things and have repeatedly played a very coy media relations game to gain popularity while avoiding doing anything good for anyone. Remember all the money and the help and promises of not forgetting anyone who suffered in Katrina....yeah... about that....we really don't have money for you, but if you work hard you'll back on your own feet. How's about those tax cuts helping the economy? Maybe they did, but then again thanks to the war that no one's had to sacrifice a lick for (short of those brave souls who've died or been wounded for their country)all we've done the last five years is cut services.... hey, aren't you a young student who wants to go to college? Grades...good....work ethic....great....money...student loan....oh, you know what....we just cut a lot of our pell grants...sorry about that...best of luck with financial aid from the institution....I hear community college is good....How's about those new medicare plans where even the doctors can't exactly tell you how they work....or don't work really as the best recommendation the government has suggested was telling seniors that all the information is easily laid out on-line...and we all know how well 87 year olds do surfing the web. I suspect there's a better chance that they'll end up giving their bank account number to a nice man in Nigeria then they would signing up for the best medicare plan. There's genocide and drought in Africa...a rising tide of Islamic fundamentalism around the world that we've only fueled in Iraq...more poor than ever here in the United States...problems across the board and yet, the sense I get from people is more anger over who was kicked off American Idol than anything else. This brings me back to an old theme, but an important one....where's our next leader....we are a rudderless nation and don't tell me Bush is our leader....he's not...he's a moron....a politician...and don't tell me about all those names being bandied about for the democratic nomination in 2008....not a one is a real leader....we are lacking and it shows.

So I've Heard...

2006-03-15T21:09:00.000-08:00

About this thing called really wicked wild sex. I hear it's great. I understand it's often done at motels and can last sometimes up to an hour or more. I also hear it's filled with passion and orgasms. Now I don't know who's spreading this rumor, but you are clearly setting expectations way too high for the rest of us....stop it.

Favorite Commercial

2006-03-07T19:15:00.000-08:00

Everyone should have one...my current fav is a Ziplock commercial...You may have seen it, or one like it, but essentially there are two groups of people; one for whom the bag fails (the competetor) and one for whom the bag hold (ziplock). In this particular spot the two woman stand side by side...the one for whom the bag breaks, well to put it indelicately...she's chubby....she's all round and sad....the one who's using the ziplock bag has the pleasure of being thin and happy. Of course if it were just one add, one might just chalk that up to the way an unfortunate casting decision, luckily there are actually two commercials....featuring different woman, but both time fat one uses the bad bag...thin one uses the good bag. Perhaps they're not trying to send any other message then the fact that if you can't keep food fresh you need to eat it immediately and that will leave you heavy, but then again, I doubt it.

carousel -- needs lots of work...script doctor...also I should have read it before posting

2006-03-06T20:38:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you choose the horse
sometimes it chooses you
either way, you saddle up and ride
holding tight to the reins
as the music begins
the ride starts to spin
the horse rises
the ride moves faster
arms wrapping around the neck of the beast
as she falls
holding tight to her
the motions become deceptive
rising again
feelings coming in waves
with the motion of the horse
as she rises and falls with the revolutions
each low ebb merely a precursor
to the inevitable rise
though soon the music slows
her motions become more halting
until the world around you again becomes still
many stumble off their steeds
trying to regain their footing in that steady world beyond
some though, appreciate the ride
despite the inevitable rises and falls
that come with it
and choose to ride again
some with a different partner
some with the same
but regardless
the ride is never the same twice

Maybe I Should Be Worried...

2006-03-01T21:20:00.000-08:00

I just took an on-line test to see how much longer I have to live and as it turns out, I passed away two weeks ago. Cash donations can be made to Washington Mutual in my name.

Hmmm

2006-03-01T15:03:00.000-08:00

Maybe the best measure of true love isn't chasing after someone you know will make you happy, but rather when one chases someone who you know will break your heart. Perhaps that just makes you a fool.

I feel like an ass

2006-02-23T18:08:00.000-08:00

But Bush is right about the port issue. Time to let it go. I hate to agree with the man because, let's be honest, he's making his way through reshaping the world in his image which is not a pretty one, but this is a non issue. Security isn't handled by the people who handle the ports, it's handled by the feds and the states. This is a matter of bias. If you'd like to legislate it so no foreign companies control ports, fine, but otherwise let it go.

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-16T19:03:00.000-08:00

So I'm late, sue me. You guys didn't get me squat.

Random Thoughts

2006-02-12T20:24:00.000-08:00

Do you know what really confounds me?
Every time I share a drink with someone.
Seriously drives me nuts when they take my bottle of coke or whatever.
They tip it back and take a big swig.
Into their mouths go a huge amount of liquid...too much liquid
Next thing you know some of it's traveling back into the bottle.
You know what happens next....they hand it back to me.
I don't want it back. You just backwashed.
Like I really want to have more.
"Oh, sorry." You say? My god people how does this still happen as an adult.
Volume...that's the key. Do you not know when your mouth is full?
Each day you drink how often? You'd think you'd learn something.
You'd think a trigger mechanism would stop you, but it doesn't.
Obviously you have a problem, but how can you not figure this out.
Universally, it's understood that you don't backwash when you share.

What if we shared a sandwhich? Would you take too big of a bite, spit some of it back out and offer it to me? No. Of course not. That's would be wrong and disgusting. Seriously people. Get a clue. And keep the drink. I'm done thanks.

Also, what's the damn difference between roasted and broasted? I decided to offer my affection to someone this weekend, but I didn't want to seem to committed to anything so I offered my blove instead to hedge my bets. I'm hoping that didn't seem too desperate.

For Future Reference

2006-02-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

If you ever get the chance to punch a wall. Choose a soft wall. Concrete blocks hurt more than you might think.

ok, sorry

2006-02-04T19:45:00.000-08:00

I've been alerted to the fact that it has been quite some time since I've blogged. I apologize, but I've been busy trying to reshape governments in the Middle East while lessening my dependency on oil. So far I've failed, but as I understand it I'm making progress. You know, we're a bunch of fucking morons. Seriously. All of us. Me, you, them, the other guys and that one person sitting alone who reads everything, but won't watch TV and who believes that they are better for it....we are all just a bunch of lazy, cheap-ass moronic dipshits.

The President this week cut spending. He did it by slashing Medicare costs and cash for student loans. He does that the same week he emphasizes the importance of education and an effort to hire an additional 75,000 teachers. Of course, there's no money for those teachers, but hey, it's the thought that counts, right? Wrong.
This, is not the president's fault. Yes, he sucks. He's done just about everything wrong since he took office. His accomplishments so far are....war, gas prices three times what they were when he took office, a nation living in constant fear of attack, lower taxes all around (but mostly for rich people because the people who need that money that is collected don't make enough to pay taxes in the first place), he's unnecessarily violated our civil rights (dude, go to the fucking FISA court, they say yes to everything), his people have revealed the identity of a C-I-A agent to hurt her husband and take the attention off the fact that we did sorta push the war thing. He's undermined the E-P-A, he's undermined the nation's forests, he's rolled back safety regulations for all sorts of industry because god knows when given the chance businesses always do what's right for the republic and not their bottom line (see child labor---pinkertons-- phillip morris). He's half-assing a war in Iraq and is now talking about lowering the amount of reserves we have at home to save money. He's afraid to ask people to sacrifice for the war effort because he knows it's not politically expedient (and he's right--we'd never accept it).

I'm sure there's more, but that's all that comes to mind right now.

Don't think the democrats are off the hook. They're just as bad. They don't do anything. They have no plans, they're alternatives are more like a lesser of two evils and as far as leadership goes I'd choose Moses knowing I'd be in that desert for 40 years because frankly I'm no so sure any democrat would get me out sooner. Both parties serve the rich now, there's no one left fighting for the middle class or the poor because let's be honest the poor don't vote and the middle class doesn't have enough liquid assets to be of any political consequence.

As bad as both of our political parties are, we are worse. We've allowed this all to happen. Somewhere along the lines (and I'm not thoroughly convinced it hasn't always been this way) we got distracted by the bright lights and baubles and forget to pull back the damn curtain. We allow the rhetoric of both sides to dictate our decisions rather than facts. We allow them to tell their half-truths without question and follow paths dictated by our political leanings rather than by common sense or a sense of cause. We don't want our media to be accountable for anything because then we'd actually have to watch the news for news as opposed to body counts and celebrity divorces. We'd rather not pay more for something to protect American industry and jobs because we all know cheaper is better. We don't sacrifice for the war cause because we don't have to because we bought into the bullshit ideal that one can successfully fight a war and not have anything change at home. We don't know how to take care of ourselves and rely on a cottage service industry to do everything for us despite the fact that they do a crap job, but a cheap and fast one. We don't demand good service, despite the fact that that's all we do in this country anymore. We don't demand true accountability for our leaders. We attack them for their personal failings (we all have those) and let them slide on their political mishaps (because we're too fucking lazy to sit down and listen to what really happened or what it might mean for us). We've lost sight of the American dream and replaced it with pure materialism. If you are a family of three, you don't need a 7500 square foot home on a 7550 square foot lot, with six plasma televisions, two luxury cars, a timeshare in Hawaii, the most expensive furniture money can buy and a child who spends 14 hours a day in daycare with a stranger because you both need to work 20 hours a day to keep up the payments on your maxed our credit cards. We've lost sight of the idea of quality of life and have gotten stuck on quantity. We've stopped seeking what's right and we've accepted what's easiest to deal with. We are cowards, we are lazy and useless. That's not to say that we won't complain about it all, just listen to your friendly partisan talk radio and listen to each side out maneuver and lie the other. We are not interested in truth. The truth hurts to much. The truth seems like a lot of work. Lord knows we wouldn't want that. Pussies. Go do something. Make a change. Make a plan. Do something hard for once. Morons.

Have a nice day.

Weeble

2006-01-23T14:50:00.000-08:00

Is there a point at which the Weeble no longer just woobles but merely falls down? Can the burden's of one's own misery be enough that our poor weeble simply becomes top heavy and tumbles never to rise again? I wonder.

Quoteables

2006-01-22T19:09:00.000-08:00

him: "I feel like I'm falling, will you catch me?"
--Pause--
her: "I'll have to get back to you on that."

Tired

2006-01-22T11:56:00.000-08:00

I could use nap. Or maybe a long sleep. I'm not clear on the delineation between what makes something a nap and what constitutes actually going to bed. If it's at night, is it always going to bed? What if you only sleep for an hour or two, that's not really a good night's sleep, but it's a quality nap. Perhaps this all falls into the optimist/pessimist category. An optimist says it's a great nap, while a pessimist decries it as a lousy, almost useless night of sleep. I don't know. Either way I'm tired. Not physically, just mentally beat. I wonder if there are different ways of classifying sleep based on why you are sleeping?

I just checked...no one gives a crap. Figures.

change in plans

2006-01-22T00:16:00.000-08:00

Was going to impart some great bits of wisdom and humor, but it appears I've lost the inspiration. In fact, I don't feel much like anything right now. Thanks for dropping by though. Enjoy your day.

American Idol

2006-01-18T18:45:00.000-08:00

Kicked off last night.....now I'm not on the Tom Cruise kick or anything but I certainly think we overmedicate our problems. Our answer to almost everything seems to be a drug of some sort which really just deadens the problem as opposed to dealing with it and doing away with it. That said, after watching last night and the trail of delusional people who are under the mistaken impression that they are the best singers in the world when in actuality they sound like a banshee getting smacked in the nuts with a mace while being rabbit punched in the throat by an in-his-prime Mike Tyson, it's become clear to me that we aren't drugging our youth enough. Seriously. More drugs. Lots. Or, at the very least, listen to a tape of yourself before you go. If that doesn't work, take that tape to a diner (out of state where no one knows you) and play it and get some honest feedback. Obviously there are some families out there who either are desperate to get on television or hate their children so much that they'd convince them they can sing so they make fools of themselves on television. Either way it's wrong.

Awww Hell Yeah.....

2006-01-15T08:30:00.000-08:00

I've decided that instead of getting angry each time Bush changes course and admits that he either lied previously about something, or was wrong, but that he's right now anyway and everyone should just shut up about it....I'm now just going to go along with things. It just seems easier. Come with me take the pill. We'll all be happier (and safer and more free and have no children left behind and cleaner skies and healthier forests and spreading democracy and stuff). It just makes sense.

Yes, Well....

2006-01-06T20:31:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of things that celebrities do that might seem stupid, but they rarely surprise you. This one, I will admit, caught me off guard...

Click Here

Sorry, that was a left at the light?

2006-01-03T19:32:00.000-08:00

Direction

It’s a funny thing in today’s world
We’ve got all sorts of devices
From the ancient stars to guide us
To the compass
To global positioning satellites
All to tell us where we are
And how to get where we want to go
And yet
Despite all this aid
It’s still so easy
To find ourselves lost

Happy New Year

2006-01-01T00:48:00.000-08:00

Hope this year is better for you than the last.

Holiday Themed Political Commentary

2005-12-24T21:42:00.000-08:00

"He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake..."
And so does Santa Claus.

Also

2005-12-24T17:19:00.000-08:00

Looking back on the past year....George Bush is a putz and a liar, willing to sell out our civil liberties or anyone elses for that matter to further his own personal and political agenda. The Democrats are a bunch of spineless, directionless ninnies who couldn't find a common objective if you threw them all in a room with a single door and started a fire in the corner. Hello Mother Nature....sorry we pissed you off. Seriously, I don't know what we did, but we are really sorry. To the soldiers fighting abroad, we appreciate your sacrifice and we'd love to give you the tools to win, but then again we're not clear on what "winning" means exactly and giving you the overwhelming force to do your job (that goes back to the old "Art of War" rules of engagement) isn't politically expedient right now and might give the American public (who I'm sure are busy sacrificing at this very moment for the cause) the idea that the war isn't going as well as they keep saying in those informercials on TV. I'm sure there's more, but I need to go spread some holiday joy. Whoopee.

Hmmm

2005-12-24T17:17:00.000-08:00

It appears you guys have got me nothing this year. Ungrateful wretches. I give you everything, all year long and this is how you repay me. Don't think that you'll be seeing any Kwanza wishes from me or believe for one damn second that there's a boxing day gift on your doorstep from me. Man....I am truly shocked that you would all treat me this way. It hurts. Really it hurts.

Lazy

2005-12-17T23:22:00.000-08:00

Haven't posted in a while....it is that time of year, of course, where lazy becomes the operative word. I keep intending on finishing my Christmas Shopping, but I've been really busy with lazy. It seems to take up all my time of late. Speaking of which...what are you guys getting me this year?

It's bad poetry night at the apollo

2005-12-06T23:34:00.000-08:00

It took so little
To bring me to my knees
Biting my cheek
Clenching my jaw
Until it ached
A look
A one sided look at that
It was all on my part
I saw it
And it dropped me
I knew it was coming
I’d even invited it
It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal
This wasn’t even as bad as the stuff I hear about
But it was
It was worse
They didn’t do anything special
There wasn’t any grandstanding show of affection
No warm embrace
No holding hands and looking longingly
But there they stood
Together
And there I stood
Alone
And I stared
Slowly my stomach knotted
The weight grew in my chest
And I watched
His arms around her
Rarely moving
Just holding
Just
Just enough
I don’t know what else happened
I don’t remember seeing anything else
I don’t remember when I stopped looking
I recall wanting to stop
But I couldn’t
All those fantasies I had created
My grand castle
Dashed to rubble
By this scene
So I stand
Alone
I can feel the wind
Seeping through my coat
And I feel the cold
For now it’s a good feeling
Hoping it numbs
All else

Weird

2005-12-05T18:48:00.000-08:00

Tried to get on to see what I've written lately (cause when you do it in a drunken stupor, it's often a surprise) and it said my page didn't exist anymore and yet, here I am...writing. Odd.

Change in plans

2005-12-01T20:36:00.000-08:00

I was going to make sunday the first day of the rest of my life, but I just wasn't feeling it....so I think I'm going to push it off a week.

Research

2005-11-25T20:19:00.000-08:00

A recent survey showed that the least appreciated dating phrase used by women is:
"Oh, you're not putting that there."

HAHAHAHAH....no, seriously....HAHAHAHAH

2005-11-24T20:18:00.000-08:00

Mike Brown, of FEMA fame is starting his own Emergency Management Consulting Business...

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/11/24/brown.consultant.ap/index.html

Thanksgiving

2005-11-24T12:58:00.000-08:00

Well, it's Thanksgiving again. That time of year where we eat a ton, watch a lot of football and get up at obscene hours to hit killer sales at the mall, just like our pilgrim forefathers. They came over here, victims of religous persecution and absurd prices, to find the freedom they sought to shop at will. They found it. Also they were oppressed by an authoritarian English government that insisted they watch one type of "football" instead of the game that we all treasure today. It was a great day when they, on that long fourth Thursday in November ago, all decided to hit the outlet malls early and then catch the football games on the big screen at the Indian Casinos. Thanks to those brave men and women we have the Thanksgiving we know today. God bless you folks.

On the other hand....

2005-11-16T12:59:00.000-08:00

Does anyone care?

Absolutism

2005-11-16T12:57:00.000-08:00

Used to be an absolutist, but as it turns out, I'm not. Value is relative. Good to know. Speaking of which, if I decide that I am more of a relativist, doesn't that mean that those who are strict absolutists are wrong made simply so by my belief otherwise?

weird

2005-11-10T20:58:00.000-08:00

That, even as the clouds darken and begin to build and the winds die to nothing in that calm we would rather stand and wait for the storm to begin. We'll watch those black clouds climb towards the heavens, lightning lashing the ground in the distance and the rain pouring from the sky as if someone had emptied the oceans. Logic would dictate that one gets out of the way, but we'd rather watch nature display her fury as if we're skeptical that she'd unleash such a thing upon us.

Still

2005-11-10T20:57:00.000-08:00

Shocking...I just can't get over it...

Shocking

2005-11-07T16:01:00.000-08:00

It appears from documents now making their way into the public eye that the Bush Administration may have manipulated certain information so it made for a more favorable argument for going to war....shocking I tell you. Who could have seen this coming?

Jesus H.

2005-11-07T16:00:00.000-08:00

The internet is a bastion of misinformation and bad poetry...luckily I can bring you both...

Each word lashes out like a rapier
Deeper into my chest
Breathing becomes a labored event
And I can feel my will tumble from the wounds
My own mouth opens
But there are no words
I drop to my knees
Bow my head
Waiting for that final blow
It doesn’t come
No matter
The wound is mortal
Slouching onto my heels
I sit, dumbfounded
As my life spills onto the floor before me
Too late now to pick it up
Too late to stem the flow
Too much has fallen
Too little is left to bother to try

Holy Crap That's Apocolyptic! (And not very good)

2005-11-07T15:28:00.000-08:00

Now even the sun
Which is the powerful thing in our universe
Strong enough that
96 million miles from us
its heat still warms us
on a clear summer’s day
so strong that
linger too long in it’s light
and you’ll be burned
but even so
it cannot escape
the one thing that everything
no matter how strong
succumbs to
even our star cannot escape
time
for that burning orb
bright in our sky
no matter how bright
and no matter how hot
on any given day
will soon give into the passing
of that day
and soon it shall set in the west
and be devoured by the oncoming darkness
and that burning heat
that brings light
that kisses life
is replaced by the cold cool
embrace of the night

Thought

2005-11-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

Some people grow to hate what they have become, or who they have become. Now I don't know if this means anything, but it appears I'm no longer talking to myself.

Imagine How They'd Be Doing If They Gouged

2005-10-27T20:09:00.000-07:00

High prices for oil and natural gas in recent months have propelled Exxon Mobil and Royal Dutch Shell to their best quarterly results ever. Exxon is the first U-S company ever to ring up quarterly sales of $100 billion dollars. It's revenue for July through September was more than the full-year gross domestic product of some of the world's largest oil-producing nations.

Thank god for advancement in language

2005-10-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

Thanks to some clever marketing folks I am now no longer a blogger, but rather a citizen journalist. Not that my stories will be any more accurate or my facts more factual or my stories devoid of slant from my personal perspective, nor will I not make me the main story at every opportunity, but then again, neither do regular "journalists" these days either.

Rosa

2005-10-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

Sad day. Rosa Parks died at 92 today. Yet another important thread to the past is now severed....how are our memories of that which has past holding together...frayed at best I would say. We dare not forget the struggles that have built us into what we are and yet we seem distracted these days. Damn XBox.

Heard it today

2005-10-17T19:01:00.000-07:00

As wrong as it clearly is, it may well be true:
That the only people who can really be said to get their money from all-you-can eat buffets are bulimics.

Powerball

2005-10-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

It's up to about $300 million. I'm hoping I won. I could use a new tv. Though, if I win, I'm not sure I'll be back. I'll probably be way too good for you little people. I guess I could have my assistant hop on and do this for me. That's probably what I'll do. That way it won't seem like I've lost touch with my roots.

Amazing

2005-10-14T20:11:00.000-07:00

Coolest thing ever today. Met a cheetah...got to hang out and pet and play with a cheetah. Incredible face and eyes. Intimidating purr. If ever you get the chance, you should go meet a cheetah. Makes me want to go on a safari.

Legitimacy At last

2005-10-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

Got an offer to get an American Express Business Card today. It was addressed to Chris Magazine. I was thinking to myself, finally, someone recognizes that this site is worth giving a $30 to $50-thousand dolllar line of credit to....then a very good friend of mine pointed out that sometimes dogs get similar offers addressed to them. She was right, of course, but then I thought to myself, "Maybe that's true, but I'll take the line of credit either way". The really scary thing about this is, I haven't, to the best of my knowledge, ever posted my full name (and who's to say that Chris is my real name to begin with) nor my home address on this blog...so how'd the wonderful marketing department of American Express get it? I gotta go, I think I hear a black helicopter coming.

Oh....

2005-10-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

Turns out I was lying...I looked at today's puzzle...looks like a bitch to do and I don't understand it at all. It seems that it would be a lot of math. I really can't handle math. Oh well.

Oh Hello

2005-10-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm back again and loving it. How are y'all? After some long soul searching I've decided to become more exciting. I just feel like it's time I do something different. So, starting tomorrow I'm going to begin doing that soduku thing in the paper.

Life Lesson for Household Appliances

2005-10-11T16:21:00.000-07:00

If it's broken and it doesn't work anymore than it's probably best thrown out and forgotten.

Might also be an allegory. Works either way.

So much for promises

2005-10-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

Missed yesterday. Had another prevailing obligation, but hey, I'm back today. That should count for something, don't you think?

bad poetry for a sunday

2005-10-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

The darkness

The darkness fell
It was a stark, desolate look
Covering all of his features
It was audible
The endless chatter
The meaningless scatological banter
Had ceased, leaving silence
Every movement was deliberate
Made from well practiced actions
Rather than any sense of desire
Even the smile he wore
Betrayed the arctic frost
Growing beneath
There was no joy in that smile
Merely a fulfillment of an expected action
He’d known,
Expected anyway, the result
The cards he’d played were poor from the start
And the dealer never seemed to deal his way
But it seemed so real
So tangible to him
He had embraced it
But he should have seen
It was a roller coaster
While you are on it, you own that feeling
That elation of your stomach dropping into your feet
Then jumping into your throat
But it’s ride and it’s not yours
It will end and the determination of that end
Won’t be his to make
It’s in the hands of others
And when it does he’ll find
That feeling, the one that seemed so strong
That seemed to make everything else fall away
Wasn’t his, it was on loan
And rightfully taken back
So the darkness stays
And he
No longer seeks
The light

About that posting every day stuff

2005-10-09T19:31:00.000-07:00

I keep meaning to, but life keeps getting in the way. I plan on doing at least one post a day, every day this week. We'll check and see the response and perhaps I'll try harder. Odds are, since I'm lazy as all get out that I won't.

I would like to comment on the wonderful people here in the United States who criticized world response to Katrina and who are now doing their best to ignore a tragedy that is somewhere between 10 and 30-fold worse in Asia. Is it because they don't speak our language or share our culture or because we're selfish and believe the world revolves only around us. Our lives, are they worth more than others, it certainly seems that way.

When Katrina struck and even as Rita was on the way, every news channel devoted all day every day to that coverage, the earthquake in Asia, which has killed an estimated 30-thousand people, doesn't seem to warrant that same coverage and I can't figure out why.

In the Oregonian today (that would be Portland's only daily newspaper for those of you not of this place) the big, top story that took up much of the front page of the paper was about possibly moving Saturday Market down the street in 2007. The earthquake only managed a small write up in the bottom corner.

The Christian right, who seem to dominate much of politics these days should be at the forefront of demanding that our attention be turned to those in need. Isn't that a Christian value? Maybe it's just more Christian rhetoric.

Perhaps things will change as we get into the week, but I doubt it. Earthquakes aren't as cool and dramatic as tsunamis and when was the last time you saw a follow up story on that in the news?
meaning to, but life keeps getting in the way. I plan on doing at least one post a day, every day this week. We'll check and see the response and perhaps I'll try harder. Odds are, since I'm lazy as all get out that I won't.

I would like to comment on the wonderful people here in the United States who criticized world response to Katrina and who are now doing their best to ignore a tragedy that is somewhere between 10 and 30-fold worse in Asia. Is it because they don't speak our langauge or share our culture or because we're selfish and believe the world revolves only around us. Our lives, are they worth more than others, it certainly seems that way.

When Katrina struck and even as Rita was on the way, every news channel devoted all day every day to that coverage, the earthquake in Asia, which has killed an estimated 30-thousand people, doesn't seem to warrent that same coverage and I can't figure out why.

In the Oregonian today (that would be Portland's only daily newspaper for those of you not of this place) the big, top story that took up much of the front page of the paper was about possibly moving Saturday Market down the street in 2007. The earthquake only managed a small write up in the bottom corner.

The Christian right, who seem to dominate much of politics these days should be at the forefront of demanding that our attention be turned to those in need. Isn't that a christian value? Maybe it's just more Christian rhetoric.

Perhaps things will change as we get into the week, but I doubt it. Earthquakes aren't as cool and dramatic as tsunamis and when was the last time you saw a follow up story on that in the news?

Huh?

2005-09-13T18:49:00.000-07:00

Bush apologized? I'll be in my bunker. Something's not right.

nuthin' important

2005-09-12T19:46:00.000-07:00

kind of a crack
or more like a tear
I can't tell
but I know it's ugly
and I don't want to look

Still Coming

2005-09-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

Bubbling up and getting bigger...the rant is coming. Hopefully this weekend. I'd do it now, but the inspiration has left me. I'm going to go sulk.

Also....

2005-09-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

There is an anger bubbling up about this great land of ours...if I don't write about it in the next day or two...remind me.

Katrina

2005-09-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

My best wishes to those who suffered in her wake. Go donate to the Red Cross.